Five Things It Might Mean When He Won’t Sleep With You

Sure, one of them might be that he’s gay. But probably not…

Last week’s really funny post about guy excuses for turning down sex got me to thinking about why it is men turn down sex. Because like, that’s not our M.O. right? We’re supposed to be willing to sleep with a fire hydrant in lipstick. We’re supposed to be willing to sleep with a fire hydrant without the lipstick. Women are always telling me how it’s no great shakes to get a guy to sleep with them — it doesn’t mean a thing.

But it does. Sometimes, yes, we will mount a mannequin. But other times we won’t even sleep with women we are really into. Here are some reasons why…

5) He’s scared.
Maybe he’s scared that he won’t perform. Maybe he’s kind of afraid of sex, period (it does happen to men, though no man is likely to admit it). Maybe he’s afraid of losing you, and the idea of getting to the next phase of the relationship excites that worry.

4) He doesn’t want you to think he’s a player
I have to admit: every time I ever slept with a woman without having known her and dated her for at least a Presidential term, the woman would afterward say something like, “You probably do that all the time with all kinds of women.” Not true! Or at least not as true as I’d have liked it to be! So in order to ward off that impression, even players will wait until you beg for it.

10 Things He's Thinking When You're Naked

3) He wants to be in control
If he wants it more than you, if you’re withholding it or he perceives it that way, then you have the power. Men are unnerved by that.

2) He Doesn’t Want to Commit yet
I know tons of guys who, after a woman has a why-did-you-lead-me-on talk with them, plead innocence thusly: It’s not like I slept with her. Sometimes men think that, if we haven't slept with a woman yet, we have free reign to behave how we like. Which is an entirely different problem.

1) He really really likes you and doesn’t want to screw this up
Man are we some relaxed cats when we’ve got nothing invested. We’re often at our best, impressing-ladies-wise, when we don’t actually care about the outcome. But when every single thing we do makes us wonder whether you’ll still like us? That’s when we freeze up a little. So look at it as a good sign, as long as you're into us, too.

Has a guy ever refused you sex? Why, you think? Do you ever refuse sex to guys you actually want to sleep with, and why?